Avoidance

If I’m being completely honest with myself, there is a HUGE reason why I haven’t been keeping up with this blog… my book isn’t doing so well, and I guess that I am embarrassed. I put my heart and soul into that book, and to have it flop is something that I didn’t truly expect. I had real, honest hopes that it would do well and would be highly marketable. Sometimes disappointments crush the soul. I’m still trying to pick up the pieces from the decent of my hopes, so it is hard for me to blog. Especially about anything that has to do with my book. I think that it is time for me to take a step away from all of that.

So, I’m starting to think of something else to help bolster my self-esteem. Dean and I got a Mirror today. We are thinking that it will help me work out without kicking in my social anxiety about going somewhere. I’m in our workout room and I’m able to follow trainers without feeling the judgement of others (whether or not people were judging me, I don’t know, but social anxiety has no rhyme or reason. I still felt judgement and it freaked me out).

I’m thinking that this website needs a new goal. I’ll still keep information about my book up here, but I think that I will journal about my journey towards weight loss. I know, I know, not another blog about how to lose weight, or losing weight, but I think that this going to be therapeutic for me. Something that will keep me going, to track my progress, to hold me accountable.

I want to be very candid and have reasons to think that I am successful at something. Aside from being a mom and a teacher, but something more personal than that. Again to be honest, I am on the borderline of being morbidly obese and I just can’t have that be anymore. I need new personal goals, I think, before I can have the confidence to try to go back and re-write my book so that it may be more successful than this first version. Time for something to distract me from all of this. Something to help win back my self-esteem.

And that is that. I’m going to keep this blog/journal, I’m going to be honest and open about whatever, and hope that you will stick with me during all of this so that I feel that there are people out there… listening (reading?). Ok… let the journey begin.

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